If you sometimes feel a little useless,

offended or depressed…

Always remember that YOU

were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions!

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This is what charging $4.00+ a gallon gas will buy you…

A sparkling Diamond Covered Mercedes SL600!

Saudi Prince Waleed Bin Talal from Saudi Arabia owns this $4.8 MILLION beauty.

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1. If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea…does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

2. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

3. What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of  bald men?

4. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?

5. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

7. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
8. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

9. Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

10. Why is it that every time the price of a barrel of oil goes up, the prices at the pumps IMMEDIATELY increase? Doesn’t it take a while after the oil companies buy the oil for it to be refined and then piped to wherever it is going?

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Have some fun with your name and see what you come up with.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME= (first pet + current car)
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME= (fav ice cream flavor + fav type of shoe)
3.YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME= (fav color + fav animal)
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME= (middle name + city you were born in)
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME= (first 3 letters of your last name + first 2 of your first name)
6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME= (2nd fav color + fav drink)
7. YOUR NASCAR NAME= (the first names of your grandfathers)
8. YOUR STRIPPER NAME= (your fav cologne/perfume/scent + fav candy)
9. YOUR TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME= (your 5th grade teacher’s last name + a major city that starts w/ same letter)
10. YOUR SPY NAME= (your fav season/holiday + fav flower)
11. YOUR CARTOON NAME= (fav fruit + underwear you are wearing right now)

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