Happy Thanksgiving from Wally’s Joke Mail to You

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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’

The stock boy answered, ‘No ma’ am, they’re dead.’

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John and Mildred have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, John wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.

Every morning for 15 years, Mildred says, “One of these days, you’re gonna fart your guts out!”

One Thanksgiving morning, Mildred’s preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself.

Well, later that morning, John wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the bathroom. Mildred laughs, but is concerned after noticing that John has been in the bathroom for 1 hour.

She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when John opens up, pale as a ghost.

He says, “You were right. You were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again.”

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10. You’re sure to get at least one of your favorite dishes.

9. The turkey never suffers from modesty.

8. You can nibble before dinner even if mom sees you.

7. You are expected to pass the dishes around.

6. There are always at least two kinds of desert, with or without whipped cream.

5. They give you the day off WITH pay to have dinner.

4. Thanksgiving dinner is a “sure” thing.

3. Seconds are encouraged. Take home, too!!

2. You’re expected to fall asleep after dinner.

And the number 1 reason why Thanksgiving dinner is better than sex:

1. You are EXPECTED to watch football BEFORE and AFTER dinner.

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