At Auburn University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all
of them had an “A” so far.

These four friends were so confident, that the weekend before finals,
they decided to visit some other friends at a neighboring University and
have a big party. They had a great time, but after all the hearty
partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Auburn
until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they
decided to skip it, and that after the final they would explain to their
professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on
the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final.
The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day.

The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the
exam. The Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test
booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool,
they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be
easy…. then they turned the page. On the second page was written….

For 95 points: Which tire? _____

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Three football fans were out for a ride when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.
They stopped and discovered a nude female, passed out drunk.
Out of respect and propriety, the Packer fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast.

The Vikings fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast.
Following their lead, but with some grumbling, the Bears fan took off his cap and placed it over her girly part.

The police were called and when the first officer arrived, he conducted his investigation. First he lifted up the Packers cap, replaced it and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Vikings cap and replaced it, writing down some more notes.

The officer then lifted the Bears cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time and replaced it one last time.

The Bears fan was becoming annoyed and asked, “What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?”

“Well,” said the officer, “I am just simply surprised. Normally, when you look under a Bears cap… you find an asshole.”

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Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

“Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,” he starts writing in his notebook.

“But I’m not a Giants fan,” the little hero replied.

“Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were.” said the reporter and starts again. “Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack” he continued writing in his notebook.

“I’m not a Jets fan either,” the boy said.

“I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What team do you root for?” the reporter asked.

“I’m a Cowboys fan,” the child said.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, “Little Redneck Maniac Kills Beloved Family Pet.”

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20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He’s got great hands.

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