Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench.

Ethel said, “You know, Mabel, I’ve been reading this ‘Sex and Marriage’ book and all they talk about is ‘mutual orgasm’. ‘Mutual orgasm’ here and mutual orgasm’ there-that’s all they talk about.

Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?”

Mabel thought for a long while.
Finally, she shook her head and said, “No, I think we had State Farm.”

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There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.”

“Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”
“I know,” the old man said, “We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago.” “Well,” Granny snickered, “What do you say…should we get naked?”

Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
“You know, honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, “My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!

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Retirement is different for everyone.
One day, while going to the store, Bubba passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. Bubba thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on his way to the store.

On Bubba’s return trip, he passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time his curiosity got the best of him.
So, he went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator.

“Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?”

“Yes,” she said. “They ‘re retired prostitutes, and they’re having a yard sale.!”

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Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”

The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!”

The third lady smiles smugly. “Well, my memory’s just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood.” She raps the table.

With a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?”

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