A redneck guy is driving down a back road in Texas.

A sign in front of a restaurant reads:

HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer

“Lord Almighty” he says to himself, “My three favorite things!”

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Bubba walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he
had. Bubba said, “Shingles.” So she wrote down his name, address,
medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, “Shingles.” So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete
medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said,
“Shingles.” So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test,
an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait
for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the
nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, “Shingles.” The doctor
asked, “Where?”

Bubba said, “Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload ‘em?”

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Two redneck guys were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.

One says to the other, “Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?”

The second one replies, “Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!”

The first one says, with wide eyes,
“Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.”

The second one smiles and pats him on the back.
“Good idea!
Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.”

Three weeks later, the young man asks his friend,
“Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?”

The second man replies,
“No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!”

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Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, “The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind.”

One of the hunters pushed forward, “Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What’s with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, “Do you know where we are?”

“I think so,” replied the other Redneck. “Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!”

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