OJ’s body was found in the desert on the outskirts of Las Vegas.

OJ had been bound hand and foot, stabbed seventeen times,
and had six bullet wounds in his body.

“What’s your verdict, sheriff?” asked a reporter.

“Worst case of suicide I ever saw!” replied the lawman.

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The Last Words from Johnny Cochron…

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O.J. Simpson’s lawyer objected to O.J. being held without bail. He
said if he was anyone besides O.J. he would have been released by
now. If he was anyone but O.J., he’d be serving life for double
murder right now. (Jay Leno)

O.J. Simpson was arrested yesterday for armed robbery in connection
with a break-in at a Las Vegas hotel. When the cops cuffed him and
took him to jail, O.J. was thrilled and said, “I’ve still got
it.” (Conan O’Brien)

O.J. Simpson has been arrested for armed robbery and might end up
spending a long time in jail. Unfortunately for O.J. the position of
runner for the movie “The Longest Yard” was already given to Michael
Vick. (Pedro Bartes)

O.J. Simpson was released on bail today. O.J. was charged with two
counts of robbery with a deadly weapon. The deadly weapon, of course,
was O.J. (Jay Leno)

O. J. still in trouble. It turns out there’s an audio tape of the
robbery. So there’s multiple witnesses and an audio tape. Now in
California, that’s enough to get you acquitted. (Craig Ferguson)

The Phil Spector jury is dead-locked and O.J. Simpson is out on bail;
with any luck O.J. and Phil may yet make their appointment to go
speed-dating with Robert Blake. (Alex Kaseberg)

Just days after being arrested for armed robbery of sports
memorabilia, former football great O. J. Simpson announced today that
he was the author of a new book entitled, “If I Robbed Them. “
Speaking at a press conference in Las Vegas, Mr. Simpson described
his latest literary venture, which he called “an attempt to get
inside the mind of someone who would commit armed robbery of sports
memorabilia.” “Personally, participating in armed robbery of sports
memorabilia is something that I would never do,” Mr. Simpson said.
“That’s what made writing this book such a challenge, imagination-
wise.” (Andy Borowitz)

O.J. is back on the loose. He was released on a $125,000 bail today
in Las Vegas. O.J. has been charged with 10 felonies, including
robbery with a deadly weapon and kidnapping. He could get life in
prison for all this. Isn’t that something? You kill two people, you
get nothing — but steal your own football jersey, you go away for
life. (Jimmy Kimmel)

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Yale Galanter is the lawyer for OJ Simpson.
During this news conference, the lawyer has some help speaking to the press.
His name is Jake Byrd.
Watch this video and be prepared to laugh.

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