A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible
sunburn, specifically to his upper legs.

He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being
diagnosed with second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in,
the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline,
electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, “What good will Viagra
do for him, Doctor?”

The doctor replied, “It won’t do anything for his condition, but it’ll
keep the sheets off his legs.”

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A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled. 

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot. 
"No way!!  No needles!!  I hate needles," the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects. 

"I can’t do the gas thing.  The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!!" 

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. 

"No objection", says the patient, "I’m fine with pills."

The dentist then returns and says, "Great - Here"s a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow!  I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn’t," said the dentist  "but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth!!!"

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Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.

"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. “I can’t leave,” the doctor says.

"But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."

The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you’d all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum , "Because I’m responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work…
The "asshole" is usually in charge!

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