There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than
on Alzheimer’s research.

This means that by 2040, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them.

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A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible
sunburn, specifically to his upper legs.

He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being
diagnosed with second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in,
the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline,
electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, “What good will Viagra
do for him, Doctor?”

The doctor replied, “It won’t do anything for his condition, but it’ll
keep the sheets off his legs.”

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A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled. 

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot. 
"No way!!  No needles!!  I hate needles," the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects. 

"I can’t do the gas thing.  The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!!" 

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. 

"No objection", says the patient, "I’m fine with pills."

The dentist then returns and says, "Great - Here"s a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow!  I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn’t," said the dentist  "but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth!!!"

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Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.

"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. “I can’t leave,” the doctor says.

"But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."

The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."

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