Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, “The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind.”

One of the hunters pushed forward, “Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What’s with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, “Do you know where we are?”

“I think so,” replied the other Redneck. “Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!”

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Two redneck guys are in the woods hunting deer.
One guy looks at the other and says,
“I’ve got to find a bathroom immediately. It’s urgent.”

The other guy replies, “Well, go behind one of those big trees and do it.”
“Its not that simple as you think. I don’t have any paper to wipe my butt.”

The other redneck replies, “You have a dollar, don’t you?”
The first one says, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar.
That’s a great idea - I’ll use that to do it!”

He leaves and 15 minutes later comes back with shit
all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looks at him and asks, “What in the heck has happened to you?”

The first one replies,
“Have you ever tried to wipe your butt with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”

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Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says,
“Did you see that?”
“No,” the second guy says.
“Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead,” the first guy says.
“Oh,” says the second guy.

A couple of minutes later, the first guy says, “Did you see that?”
“See what?” the second guy asks.
“Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill,
over here.”
“Oh.”

A few minutes later the first guy says: “Did you see that?”
By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, “Yes, I
did!”

And the first guy says: “Then why did you step in it?”

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Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near a highway in rural Texas on the opening day of deer season.

They both saw a trophy-class buck meandering towards them.

As the one hunter raised his gun to shoot, a
funeral procession came slowly by.

The hunter lowered his gun, took off his hat, and stood with his head bowed until the procession was past.

Of course by then, the deer was long gone.
The other hunter exclaimed “Wow! That was the most sportsmanlike act I’ve ever seen!

You allowed this trophy buck to escape while showing such
compassion and kindness toward someone’s dearly departed.

You are a great humanitarian and a shining example to sportsmen throughout the world!”

The first hunter nodded and said; “Well, we were married for 40 years.”

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