Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman says, “I need to be honest with you, I’m getting a boob job.”

The second woman says “Oh that’s nothing, I’m thinking of having my asshole bleached!”

To which the first replies, “Whoa I just can’t picture your husband as a blonde!”

• 0 Comments

Male or Female?
You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are
actually either male or female.
Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS:
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS:
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TIRES:
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS:
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES:
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES:
Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS:
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS:
Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS:
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL:
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

• 0 Comments

Friendships between Women:

A woman didn’t come home one night. The next day she told her husband
that she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s
10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendships between Men:

A man didn’t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he
had slept over at a friend’s house. The woman called her husband’s 10
best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two
claimed that he was still there.

• 0 Comments

As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g.,
“Steady as she goes” or “She’s listing to starboard, Captain!”)
Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that
computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for
drawing this conclusion follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are female:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message “Bad command or file name” is about as informative as, “If
you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell
you.”
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half
your paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists, (all female) think that
computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are male:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE
the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little
longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

• 0 Comments