A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says, “Darling, this is the pig that I have sex with when you have a headache.”

His wife is lying in bed and replies, “I think you’ll find that’s a sheep, you idiot.”

The man says; “I think you’ll find I wasn’t talking to you.”

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A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he’s retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter “country style.”

“What’s country style?” asks the city boy.

“Out here in the country,” the farmer says, “when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin’ wins the dispute.”

Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he’s ever felt, crying like a baby and coughing up blood. Finally he staggers to his feet and says, “All right, n-now it’s–it’s m-my turn.”

The farmer grins. “Aw, heck, you win. Keep the duck.”

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A Milking farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his “manhood” into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly discovered that he couldn’t remove the instrument from his penis.
He read the manual, but didn’t find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.

Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier’s Customer Service Hot Line. “Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow’s udder?”

“Don’t worry,” replied the customer service rep, “The machine will release automatically once it’s collected two gallons.”

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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.

She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer and said, “The sky is falling!”

The teacher then asked the class, “And what do you think the farmer said?”

Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said, “I think he said; Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!”

The teacher passes out, Little Johnny strikes again!

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