A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about cows…this is a
herd of sheep. . . .

Now give me back my dog.”

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"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg.

"Well, doc, 25 years ago …"
"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."

"Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone to bed, the farmer’s beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted.

I said no, everything is fine. "Are you sure?", she asked. "I’m sure, I said."
"Isn’t there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know. "I reckon not" I replied …

"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?"

"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "When it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"

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A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne too!” He turned to her and said, “What a coincidence.” He continued, “This is a special day for me, I’m celebrating.”

“This is a special day for me, too, and I’m also celebrating!” says The woman. “What a coincidence.” says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, “What are you celebrating?”

“My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my Gynecologist told me I’m pregnant!”

What a coincidence.” says the man. “I’m a chicken farmer. For years All my hens were infertile, but today they’re finally fertile.”

“That’s great!” says the woman, “How did your chickens become fertile?” “I switched roosters,” he replied.

The lady promptly said “What a coincidence.”

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A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says, “Darling, this is the pig that I have sex with when you have a headache.”

His wife is lying in bed and replies, “I think you’ll find that’s a sheep, you idiot.”

The man says; “I think you’ll find I wasn’t talking to you.”

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