A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter says to the guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

The guy replies, “I`m Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of New York City.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi- driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it`s the minister`s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary`s for the last forty-three years.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a taxi-driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. I get a simple cotton robe and wooden staff. How can this be?”

“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept; but while this guy drove, people prayed.”

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The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife
looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when
little Johnny interrupted.

“My Mommy looked back once while she was DRIVING,”
he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”

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A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and
tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove
up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass
window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then
the still shaking driver said, “I’m sorry, but you scared the
daylights out of me.”

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn’t
realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, “No, no, I’m sorry. It’s entirely my fault. Today is
my first day driving a cab; I’ve been driving a hearse
for the last 25 years!”

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“I’ve sure gotten old” said Fred!
“I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.

I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded,
and subject to blackouts.

I have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands
and feet anymore.

I can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
And I have lost all my friends.

But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license!”

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