“What would you like?” my wife asked as she prepared the evening meal.

“Tuna, salmon, chicken, beef or liver?” Surprised and pleased by this unusual opportunity to make a selection from such an extensive dinner menu, I replied, “Beef would be nice for a change, thank you.”

“Oh,” she said, “I wasn’t talking to you, I was asking the cat. We’re having soup….”

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A man saw an advertisement in a paper which read, “Porsche for sale: $200.”

He went to view the car, expecting to find a battered heap of rust, but instead found himself face to face with a gleaming new model in mint condition.

“Why are you selling it for $200?” he asked the lady.

“Simple. Last week, my husband ran off with his secretary.

He said: “You can keep the house, but sell my Porsche and send the money to me.”

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A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the
main guardian of their child.
The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be
the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first.

She says, “Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine
months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my
child and apart of me.”

The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question.

The man replies, “OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine
and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to: me or
the machine?”

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