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She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.  Repairmen refused to work in the house.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home…

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!

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A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The
judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."

"Because," the man says, "I live in a three-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a three-story house?"

The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is ‘I have a headache’ and the second story is, ‘It’s that time of the month." and the third story is, " No dammit, we’ll wake the children."

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The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the
honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you’re
blue in the face.

The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of
the marriage; you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime, even
in the kitchen.

The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a
bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the
bedroom.

The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in
which you pass each other in the hallway and say,
“Screw you!”

There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This
is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in
front of everyone in the courtroom.

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