While she was “flying” down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, “What’s your hurry?”
To which she replied, “I’m late for work.”
Oh yeah,” said the cop, “what do you do?”
I’m a rectum stretcher,” she responded.
The cop stammered, “A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”
Well,” she said, “I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it’s about 6 feet wide.”
“And just what do you do with a 6 foot asshole?” he asked.
“You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge.” she responded.
Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs $45.00
Look on Cop’s face………. PRICELESS

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An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.

The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?”

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled, “He says you were speeding!”

The patrolman said, “May I see your license?”

The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled, “He wants to see your license!”

The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.”

The woman turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”

The old man yells, “He said he thinks he knows you!”

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Cop Eats Pot Brownies, Freaks Out, and calls 911

Wow this has to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

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A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street;
when little Johnny on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.

“Nice bike,” the cop said “Did Santa bring it to you?”
“Yep,” little Johnny said, “he sure did!”

The cop looked the bike over and handed little Johnny
a ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, “Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light
on the back of it.”

Little Johnny looked up at the cop and said,
“Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?”
“Yes, he sure did,” chuckled the cop.

Little Johnny looked up at the cop and said,
“Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”

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