A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work.

The manager greeted him with a warm handshake anda smile, gave him a broom and said,
“Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”

“But I’m a college graduate.” the young man replied indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager.

“Here, give me the broom, I’ll show you how.”

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1. Your salary is less than your tuition.

2. Your potted plants stay alive.

3. Shacking in twin-sized beds seems absurd.

4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.

6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well balanced meal.

7. You haven’t seen a soap opera in over a year.

8. 6:00 AM is not early.

9. You have to file your own taxes.

…And finally You know you are out of college when…

10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.

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12. Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
11. Enjoy being a Sophomore — It will be the best three years of your life.
10. Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.
9. Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative “home pharmaceuticals” business.
8. If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
7. Boring lecture? Start a wave!
6. College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramon Noodle dinner.
5. Remember - almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.
4. Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.
3. Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.
2. Don’t think of it as sleeping with your professor — think of it as “Acing Biology.”
1. In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal.

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There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke.

After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.

The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said: “Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?”

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

“Wait, ladies,” cried the professor. “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”

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