Frank, a very proper man started going into the neighborhood
pharmacy every week and buying 2 boxes of condoms.

Week after week, he would come in with the same order.

One day, the pharmacist, Gene felt he had to say something to Frank.
“Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting lucky!
How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?”

Frank looked at him in disgust and said, “I beg your pardon, but I
find the whole idea of sex repulsive!”

So, Gene asked, “Then what do you do with all those condoms?”

Frank answered, “I feed them to my poodle.

This way when she goes to the bathroom,
she shits in little plastic baggies!”

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A game warden in Tennessee was driving down the road when he came upon
little Johnny carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped
and asked Johnny, “Where did you get that turkey?”

Little Johnny replied, “What turkey?”

The game warden said, “That turkey you’re carrying under
your arm.”

Little Johnny look down and said, “Well, look here, a turkey
done roosted under my arm!”

The game warden said, “Now look, you know turkey season is
closed, so what ever you do to that turkey, I’m going to do
to you. If you break his leg, I’m gonna break your leg. If
you break his wing, I’ll break your arm. Whatever you do to
him, I’ll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?”

Little Johnny said, “I guess I’ll just kiss his ass and
let him go!”

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A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.

There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?”

He says, “O.K., Get in the car with it.”
“Where shall I put it to get it warm?”

He says, “Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there.

“But what about the smell?”
“Just hold its nose.”

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

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John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very
secluded, rural area of Georgia .

After spending a great evening chatting the night away,
John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However,
John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his
grandfather asking, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandfather replied, “They’re as clean as cold
water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!”

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was
concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around
the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these
plates are clean?”

Without looking up the old man said, “I told you before,
Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t
you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!”

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby
town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and
wouldn’t let him pass. John yelled and said, “Grandfather, your dog
won’t let me get to my car”

Without diverting his attention from the football game
he was watching on TV, the old man shouted…
“COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!”

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