To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine… and those who don’t.

As Ben Franklin said; "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria."

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, vodka, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has  to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Alcohol = Health. Therefore, it’s better to drink alcohol and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

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One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual
route.

As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still
in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming
out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

“Wow Bob, looks like you guys had a wild party last night,” the
mailman comments.

Bob, in obvious pain replies, “Actually we had it Saturday night. This
is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning.

We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over and it
got a bit wild. We got so drunk, around midnight we started
playing WHO AM I.”

The mailman thinks a moment and says, “How do you play that?”

Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with
a sheet covering us and only our “privates” showing through a hole in
the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.”

The mailman laughs and says, “I’m sorry I missed that.”

“Probably a good thing you did,” Bob responds. “Your name came up four
or five times.”

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Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her,
“I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive.

That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens,
just pull the plug.”

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

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A Russian guy was walking down the street when he came across a bottle of vodka. He picked it up, opened it and a genie came out and said, “You are my master. You now have one wish.”

The Russian man said, “I would like to piss vodka.”

When he got home he told his wife to get two glasses. She brought them and asked what they’d be drinking. He told her he could piss vodka, and of course she didn’t believe him. So he pissed in the glasses, she smelled one, and said, “It smells like vodka!”

Then they drank some and couldn’t believe it, but it tasted like vodka too! Indeed, it was the best vodka they’d ever had.

So the next night the Russian guy came home tired and told his wife to get one glass. She asked him, “Why only one glass?”

“Because tonight,” he said, “you’re drinking from the bottle!”

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