1. You have to be against abortion, but support capital punishment on demand.
2. You have to believe that governments create oppression and businesses create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that the man wearing a turban in the airport is more of a terrorist than the white man carrying a concealed gun.
4. You have to believe that federal funding is a handout and that disadvantaged people should be able to “pull themselves up by their bootstraps,” just like you and your daddy and his daddy before him.
5. You have to believe that someone made up global warming to scare you into not driving that gas-guzzling SUV.
6. You have to believe that being sexually confused is an abomination that God hates.
7. You have to believe that the people advocating those afflicted with AIDS should “stop whining.”
8. You have to believe that if schools don’t provide sex education and/or condoms, then kids just won’t think about sex and it will all just go away.
9. You have to believe that animal rights activists aren’t doing “what God intended,” but hunters are.
10. You have to believe that if someone has fallen on hard times it is their own fault and they should be given no help.
11. You have to believe that God lives in your own little box and that He hates all the same things and people you do.
12. You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the NRA is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that the tax on your yacht is too high and that the homeless man isn’t being taxed enough.
14. You have to believe that the contributions to American history made by Caucasian men are more important than those made by women and African-Americans.
15. You have to believe that Black History Month is reverse racism, but the Confederate flag is just a historical symbol.
16. You have to believe that any war we fight is for a good reason, because the president said so.
17. You have to believe that God loves everyone, except for gay people.
18. You have to believe that this message is part of a crazy, left-wing revolution.
9 Responses
John Spencer
April 20th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
1Whq wrote this? Hillary Clinton!
Tim
April 20th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
2funny sh_t.
It’s funny how true this is.
Groucho Lenin
May 10th, 2008 at 10:09 am
31. You have to be against abortion, but support capital punishment on demand
2. You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the NRA is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
Both of these statements could be reversed and applied just as accurately to mock “liberals.” Choosing to be a liberal or a conservative, as these terms are presently defined, requires no critical thinking or self-examination. It is no more than a process of determining which set of political cliches one finds the least offensive.
I oppose BOTH abortion and capital punishment and support enforcement of the entire Bill Of Rights (which is what the writer actually meant, rather than the Constitution). So what does that make me? Please somebody say “a moron” so I won’t be disappointed.
wally
May 10th, 2008 at 11:31 am
4Wally here folks… this is all in HUMOR. Find humor and truth in all of the above, and offense in none of it, regardless of political affiliation.
If you will notice I have a post in the Democrat category, titled “18 ways to be a good Liberal.”
thanks,
Wally
helvete
May 10th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
5wow 1 way to be ignorant democrat
is write a shit like that
mgroves
May 10th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
6I believe that this message is part of a crazy, left-wing revolution.
max
May 10th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
73 is dumb. Neither is a terrorist. Both presumptions are knee-jerk extremism.
9 is dumb. Neither is much more than a lifestyle choice. Seal Clubbers and people who throw blood on old lady’s coats are equally obnoxious in the eyes of most Americans.
12 is a little weird. Both the NRA and the ACLU get a bit crazy sometimes. NAMBLA was defended by the ACLU, alienating a lot of sane people. The NRA generally opposes the first half of the second amendment to the point where they too alienate a lot of sane people.
18 might be a little bit accurate. By choosing invective over dialog, you’re preaching to the converted and changing little. Sitting around and reinforcing ones own ideas with short, nuance-free soundbytes is not a liberal thing to do. It’s a Rupert Murdoch thing to do. Go watch Bill Moyers do a gentle interview with a conservative. You might learn something from both of them.
cuz
May 10th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
8Well, I guess I am not a good conservative, or maybe some of these generalizations are a bit of a stretch.
Kevin
May 10th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
9I haven’t checked the “18 Ways to be a Good Liberal” but I hope it mentions the opposite of the abortion/capital punishment joke. And then I’ll ask anyone who cares- does this make sense… to support the killing of an innocent, unborn child (it’s legal in some states including Kansas to abort through the entire 9 months) while NOT supporting the killing of those found guilty of showing no regard for human life. Unbelievably, that’s the stance of most Democrats. Having said that, I don’t have any issue with those who don’t support the death penalty AND don’t support abortion. At least there’s consistent thought there. But to favor abortion rights and oppose the death penalty makes no sense- like most Democrats. Like most issues, they just haven’t thought it all the way through yet.
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