A Milking farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his “manhood” into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly discovered that he couldn’t remove the instrument from his penis.
He read the manual, but didn’t find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.

Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier’s Customer Service Hot Line. “Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow’s udder?”

“Don’t worry,” replied the customer service rep, “The machine will release automatically once it’s collected two gallons.”

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For a little Halloween fun, try Cat Bowling!

This is too much fun! When the pumkin comes up, hit the space bar to throw it at the cats.

HINT: After hitting ‘play’, watch the arrow ~ when it points to where you want the ball to go, hit the space bar … Have fun!

http://www.brandextract.com/catbowling/

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10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.

9. Today is our what?

8. Okay, let’s celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?

7. I thought we only celebrated important events?

6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

5. You don’t like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.

4. I’ve got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year.
Here’s a $5 gift certificate for McDonald’s.

3. If you want me to pretend I care about our anniversary, I will.

2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, I’ll take you to Pizza Hut if it’ll shut you up.

1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

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George Bush is my shepherd I shall not lie.

He leadeth me beside the still farms and small towns.

He restoreth my doubt in the Republican party.

He guideth me down the path of untold debt for the party’s sake.

My wages he will freeze but my expenses runneth over my income.

Surely poverty and hard living shall follow the Republican party and I shall live in a rented house forever.

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