The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a program they had funded with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, “Oh,Shit!” Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, “Hey, hold my beer and watch this!”

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Gas Prices vs ?

People have been complaining about the rising price of gasoline recently, but I have always thought that gas was a good value (especially if you were to take the $0.30, $0.40 per gallon tax off at the pump)! Obviously others need a little convincing. So the article in this week’s “Autoweek” magazine brought it all to light. What if you were to buy a gallon of . . .

1. - Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon

2. - Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon

3. - Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon

4. - Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $10.00 per gallon

5. - Quart of Milk 16 oz for $1.59 = $6.32 per gallon

6. - Evian (water) 9 oz for $1.49 = $21.19 per gallon

7. - STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon

8. - Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon

9. - Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon

10. - Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $254.17 per gallon

11. - Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $84.84 per gallon

So next time you’re at the pump, be glad your car doesn’t run on Nyquil or Scope or Whiteout!

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A man walks into confessional and says, “Forgive me Father for I have sinned…”
The priest replies, “What is it that brings you here?”
“Well father, I used the F-word over the weekend.”

“Oh is that all? Say five Hail Mary’s and may the Lord be with you.”
The man replies, “but I really need to talk about it.”

“Let’s have it then,” the priest says as he leans back on the hard wooden bench.

You see Father, “I was playing golf this weekend and on the first tee, I was lining up my drive and proceeded to hit a horrendous slice into the trees.”

“And that’s when you cursed aloud?” the Father queried.

“No, not yet. As luck would have it, I found my ball and had a clear shot to the green from a nice lie; when all of a sudden, a squirrel scampered out of some bushes, picked up my ball by its teeth and darted up a tree.”

“That must have been when you cursed?”

“No, because just as the squirrel had climbed to the top of the tree, a bird swooped out of the skies and grabbed the squirrel with its talons. The bird flew out the trees and back out over the green. Then, the squirrel dropped my ball from its mouth landing 5 inches from the cup!”

“And that’s when you cursed aloud,” the priest said assuredly. “No, no..” The Father interjected, “Don’t tell me you missed the f-ing putt!”

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Golfer: Notice any improvement since last year?
Caddy: Polished your clubs, didn’t you?

Golfer: Why do you keep looking at your watch?
Caddy: This isn’t a watch, sir. It’s a compass.

Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddy: Oh, he’s played with you, too, huh?

Golfer: Caddy, why didn’t you see where that ball went?
Caddy: Well, it doesn’t usually go anywhere, Mr. Smith. You caught me off guard.

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