10. Your family automatically heads for the table every time they
hear a fire siren
9. Your kids know what “peas porridge in a pot nine days old”
tastes like.
8. Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family
grabs forks and follows him.
7. Your kids favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.
6. You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy
poodle.
5. Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him
over for dinner.
4. Your kids got suspended from school for trying to smuggle toxic
waste in their lunch bags.
3. Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.
2. No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple.
… and the Number 1 Sign You’re A Lousy Cook:
1. You burned the house down trying to make jelly.

• 0 Comments

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, ‘There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.’

‘That doesn’t matter,’ replied the blonde, ‘if I only can sell the car.’

‘Okay,’ said the brunette. ‘Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore.’

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, ‘Did you sell your car?’

‘No,’ replied the blonde, ‘why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.’

• 0 Comments

1. A model year wouldn’t be available until AFTER that calendar year.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you’d have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, you’d have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.

4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT, but then you’d have to buy more seats.

5. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.

6. The oil, alternator, gas, engine warning lights would be replaced with a single “General Car Fault” warning light.

7. People would get excited about the “new” features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.

8. We’d all have to switch to Microsoft Gas ™.

• 0 Comments

As Herman was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!”

“Hell,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

• 0 Comments