A man in a restaurant orders the house special. An old waiter brings
out the order beginning with some hot soup. The customer notices the
waiter has his thumb in the soup.

Feeling sorry for the old man he doesn’t mention it, and leaves the
soup uneaten. When he brings the main course his thumb is in the
potatoes. Then in the coffee.

Finally, he angrily asks the waiter why he has his thumb in all his
hot
food. The waiter says, “I have arthritis and the doctor told me to
keep
it in something warm.” The customer says, “why don’t you stick it up
your ass!” And the waiter says, “I do that in the kitchen!”

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A trucker was driving his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill. Just as he was starting down the equally steep other side, he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center of the road, making wild and passionate love. In total disbelief, he blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. He realized that they were not going to stop or get out of his way, so he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.

Furious, he got out of the cab and walked to the front of the truck. He looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, “What’s the matter with you two? Didn’t you hear me blowing the horn? You could have been killed!”

Eventually, the man looked up at the truck driver, obviously satisfied and not too concerned and said, “Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes………”

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“For me?”

“Just take two,” his mother replied.

“The rest are for your father.”

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A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, “Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter.”

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, “Tell your daddy that he can’t type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter.” The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, “Tell daddy that he can type that letter now.”

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, “Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand.”

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