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A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the
window, “I want to open a damn checking account.”

The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?”

“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!”

“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in
this bank.”

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to
inform him of her situation.

The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that
foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer,
“Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”

“There is no damn problem.” the man says. “I just won $200 million
bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my damn money in this
damn bank.”

“I see,” says the manager, “and is this bitch giving you a hard time?”

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1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to
pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it
my way.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re
saying.
10. Ahhh… I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again…
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique
point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an
artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely
ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

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A blonde and a brunette were watching the 10 o’clock news together. The
current news was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The
situation cut to a commercial.
Brunette: “I’ll bet you $20 he’s going to jump.”
Blonde: “Okay.”
(then back to the newscast.)
He jumps.
Blonde: “Okay, here’s my $20.”
Brunette: “No, that was too easy, I can’t take your money.”
Blonde: “I insist. I lost!”
Brunette: “I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6
o’clock news and knew he jumped. So it wasn’t really a fair bet.”
Blonde: “I know I saw it too, I just can’t believe he jumped again!”

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